I wish this depersonalization would go away.
It feels like I am on auto-pilot, in a dream, viewing myself from above, asleep, disconnected, disengaged, unreal, unfocused, out-of-touch, the world is passing me by, going through the motions, like a machine, delusional, emotionless, like a zombie... (that's all I could come up with, if you have any more suggestions, please add them in the comment section - humor helps!)
The worst part is being fully aware that I am in this state and may do something crazy at any moment without realizing it (stay tuned...)
Someone told me this is brought on by stress... but I don't feel stressed. She also said most people don't feel stressed when they are. AHHHH THE CYCLE OF PERPETUAL ZOMBIENESS. Will I ever be cured? I will try find a doctor in town - maybe he will refer me to a shrink again who will tell me to touch lampposts and tree bark as I go along my day to reconnect with reality. That shrink almost made ME feel normal...
4 comments:
Sounds a bit like me! I am starting to feel out of touch again, but maybe not as much as you! When I feel like this, I try to blame poor irregular sleep habits and "baby brain" on it. Philip says I'm like this most pregnancies by the end, and after the baby for a good while too. But eventually life feels more real again, the sun is brighter, the baby crying is louder...
i always had a real HIGH after my babies were born but i don't know when it started to feel like the zombie thing you're talking about...it's only been 12 years...and it's hard to decipher reality from dreams...i hear you...sorry, no help here. humor helps though. :)
i know it's probably completely different, but just in case it's connected at all... i get anxiety attacks even when i'm not anxious. and oddly enough, it does help to focus on touching something. usually i use a finger to put pressure or draw circles on the palm of my other hand and just focus on that.
either that or i start yelling and screaming and running around outside in the snow in my bare feet. my neighbours think i'm nuts.
(ok, not really.)
TOTALLY understand this post. Finally at 8 months I read about the 'feed wake nap' schedule (babywise) vs the 'feed nap wake' and he started sleeping through the night consistently. (Starting to crawl=more exercise and eating oat cereal before bed probably helped as well....) After a month of sleeping through the night, I FINALLY feel 'normal' again! Hopefully soon for you :):)
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